Celebrate Family Dinner with #B4FD Teleseminar

Yesterday my B4FD colleague Kathleen Cuneo hosted a great teleseminar on "all things family dinner" to celebrate and promote the launch of Family Dinner Month (9.26-10.24.11) on the Blog for Family Dinner. It was great to be joined by Billy Mawhiney of Time at the Table, Aviva Goldfarb of The Scramble, Jennifer Schiff from The Family Dinner Book, and John Sarrouf from The Family Dinner Project.

Celebrate Family Dinner with #B4FD Teleseminar, 9.20.11 (audio recording)

We talked about current research in the field, including many studies that show that family dinner and communal eating is not just for kids. Indeed, everyone benefits, including parents, couples without children, seniors, and even college-aged students. We talked about tips and time-savers, like meal planning and getting everyone to chip in, and overall, about how best to make the commitment to family dinner.

A big theme was re-defining family dinner so that it works for you. Don't be intimidated by the rosy, nostalgic idea that family dinner has to be a 3 course meal with homemade apple pie at the end (though that's always nice!) A realistic weeknight meal is more like soup and salad, easy one-pot meals, or quick pasta dishes. What is important, really, is finding time together and making the family table a safe, consistent gathering place. Setting a routine and sticking to it helps, be it 3 days a week or every single day.

The teleseminar will be available for listening (free) on the Blog for Family Dinner website through the month promotion (now until October 24, 2011) and also available to subscribers of Kitchen Table Parents.

If you believe in family dinner, please be sure to add your name to our subscriber list and to follow our blog posts next month. You can also check in with Facebook or Twitter (@blog4famdinner). More ideas to spread the word about #B4FD here. Thank you for your support!

I Heart Fruit, Straight Up from Kindergarten

Fruit Heart from my little Kindergartner

My 5 year old daughter brought this drawing home yesterday from school. It may be a bit hard to make out, but it's a pink heart surrounding a fruit bowl. Before I could ask her what it was about, she excitedly reported that they were having a contest to name the school's salad bar and that she decided it to make this, because "I L-O-V-E all the fruits!" Wow, even if I didn't spend all day trying to promote healthy family eating, I think I would be bursting with pride.

I would like to take all the credit for my kid loving fruit, but remember she's the "picky one." So I dare not or I might jinx myself and we'll be back to mac and cheese requests every night. Really, though, I think kids naturally love fruit and simple exposure to good, fresh, in-season fruit will convince most kids to eat it with joy. We as parents (and educators at school) have to decide that fresh fruit is a worthwhile snack than can be available all the time, despite its slightly higher cost and perishable nature.

We have a rule in our house The fruit bowl is always open.  I try to have 2 or 3 big bowls of fruit out on the counter in easy access all the time. Honestly it disappears. Standards are bananas, apples, and, now, clementines; I keep washed grapes in a big bowl in the fridge. For dessert, we'll sometimes have harder to prepare fruit like mango, pineapple, or last night, we had starfruit, which tastes a bit like kiwi, but in a really cool shape. My kids also love berries and whipped cream, which is still a healthy dessert option. The fruit balances out the whipped cream by far!

Starfruit, cool shape.

The biggest complaint I hear about fruit is the cost. Fresh fruit can be expensive. But really, if you compared fruit to most cookies or pre-packaged snacks, they are very comparable in price. Most cookies are at least 3 or 4 dollars a box; if you cost out the packaged snacks, most are 50 cents or $1 a piece. Somehow it's OK for a cookie pack to cost this much, but an apple at 75 cents is too expensive? Really, we have to change our mind set. Reducing packaged foods is the real way to cut a grocery bill, and sticking with fresh fruits and vegetables often will end up being comparable in cost, or even cheaper, and much healthier to boot.

Fruit is perishable, though, and I understand that busy parents who go shopping only once a week don't want to throw good money away. Below I have some tips for buying and storing fruit, and plus ideas for getting your child to eat more of it!

Ten Tips for Buying, Storing and Eating Fruit:
1. Buy fruit in varying stages of ripeness, if you can. Ideally, some fruit will be ready the day you buy it, and some fruit will ripen over the week, so that you and your kids can eat the best fruit as it becomes ripe.
2. If freshness is waning but the fruit is still good, stick it in the fridge. This will help it keep another couple of days.
3. Don't forget about fruit in the fridge! Since the kids may not see it to grab it, you may have to remember to cut it up and serve as snacks, or with breakfast.
3. In general, fruit keeps better unwashed. Teach your kids to give it a rinse before eating.
4. Use an apple corer. For some reason, fruit slices are much more enjoyable for snacking. Once I bought an apple corer, my kids' apple consumption doubled! Also keep the skin on because it has lots of vitamins. If the apple is cored, a skin hater can still just eat the inside, though half the time, my daughter still eats the whole slice, skin and all.
5. Slightly damaged fruit can be saved to use in smoothies or in fruit sauce. I cut out the brown parts and either freeze or, if I have enough, I throw in a pot to make sauce for pancakes. One or two apples or pears with a little water and sugar can make a quick and delicious sauce to be used for a weekend pancakes.
6. Many fresh fruits can be frozen at home. If strawberries are on sale, you can buy two packages and freeze one. They don't taste quite as good defrosted, but they are still good for you and can be used frozen in smoothies or thawed over cereal or in a fruit dessert.
7. Figure out the fruits that your kids like and always get them. Fruit should be like milk and bread, something you always get. Make it a new habit. Don't get stuck thinking your kid doesn't like fruit just because they don't like the red delicious apples at the cafeteria. (In case you didn't know, red delicious apples mostly stink; they are the biggest misnomer in the fruit world!) Gala apples are kid favorites, so are golden delicious, but there are lots of other varieties to explore.
8. Add new fruits every once in a while to expand their interest. Right now, there are lots of choices in citrus, so try some varieties of oranges that you haven't before. Tangelos and blood oranges can be amazing and you may be surprised that kids actually like the sour-sweet combination. (There are some popular candies on the market that exploit this.)
9. Fruit is best when it is local and in-season. In season fruit tends to be cheaper and taste the best. But in the winter time, it may not be possible to only eat locally, and still actually eat fruit. As a mom and as someone who promotes healthy eating, I am still in favor of eating fruit year around.
10. Increase the times you give fruit to your child. Fruit can be served with breakfast, packed in lunches, and offered for dessert. It's not just an in-between snack.

More great resources for learning more and making eating fruit and veggies fun!
Today I Ate a Rainbow Kit This kit that encourages your kid to get eat the colors of the rainbow, everyday.
The Produce Geek: Sign up for weekly newsletter on what to eat now.
Fruits and Veggies More Matters website has lots of tips and ideas for increasing the number of fruits and veggies in your life.

Post-Thanksgiving family dinner blues

A new study, released just in time for Thanksgiving, shows that 89% of American families have dinner together on Thanksgiving. The catch is that just half of the families surveyed eat dinner together regularly. One in six families (14%) never ate family dinner together! This is not shocking news, but it does show that we are willing to take great lengths for a once-a-year tradition, but not commit to a daily routine of eating dinner together. Eatdinner.org is all about promoting family dinner on a regular basis, not just special occasions.

So how can you transform warm feelings of Thanksgiving through this week, and the next, and the next?

The first step is making a commitment to family dinner. The next steps include identifying your personal roadblocks to family dinner and figuring out how to fix them.

Are you a single or divorced parent, or one partner can't be home consistently at dinner time? 
Make family dinner with the kids anyway. Family dinner can happen if all the people who are at home are sitting together and eating, ideally the same meal with the TV off. Acting like a short-order chef for the kids doesn't count. You have to sit down and eat too.

Are you unsure of your cooking skills? 
Cooking skills will last a lifetime and are worth an investment in time. Start with a basic cookbook and a good attitude. (Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything is super easy and supplies all the basics. He even has an phone app and a weekly newsletter with recipes). Don't expect yourself to be an overnight gourmet chef, just keep working and practicing. You would be surprised how kids like and remember the simplest meals.

There's just no room in the schedule!
Schedule in dinner like it's an appointment, at least a few nights a week. Dinner with your family is just as important as soccer practice and PTA meetings. Eat dinner late if you have to. Talk to your boss, the coach or your child's teacher if you have to make special arrangements. Develop meals that can be made in minutes, quickly defrosted or served from a crockpot.

One final thought: think of family dinner as your own food revolution.

What's the best way to start a food revolution in your own home? Learn to cook.
Jamie Oliver via Family Bites blog

 Just a few ideas to help make family dinner a reality. Any other ideas to add? Feel free to comment.

Thoughts on Thanksgiving with Recipe Round-up

Everyone in the food blogger community, and in America probably, is gearing up for Thanksgiving feasts on Thursday. (I listed a recipe round-up from some favorite bloggers below). We are all collectively making elaborate menus, trading secrets to good pastry making techniques and doing extra food shopping, whether we have an eye on the budget or are thinking of splurging. If you are not cooking at home, you might bracing yourself for extensive travel and all those hassles. All the effort and expense usually seems worth it as you reconnect with family and friends and enjoy a meal together on the big day.

Thanksgiving dinner seems to be the "Hallmark" holiday for family dinner and I love the Thanksgiving holiday. Yet, Thanksgiving dinner extravaganzas are not really the "family dinners" I promote on this blog. Family dinner is a normal, day-to-day routine that can be extraordinary, but often is not. Sometimes dinners, especially those on the weekend, can be great fun with special games or favorite foods all around. More often, weeknight dinner is a "get-er-done" type situation where dinner is cooked in 20 minutes and eaten in less becuase there is homework or bedtime to be done. This kind of family dinner is still worth doing, and celebrating, becuase it provides a rock solid foundation for your family. This ordinary kind of family dinner provides a way to check-in with your kids and partner, a time to talk about problems that may arise, and a time to hear the good stuff about everyone's day. It also sends a message that family time is important enough to schedule in everyday, and that you, as my child, are important enough to check in with everyday. Powerful stuff made possible over an everyday dinner table.

Thanksgiving is important not just because of the great food and the family reunions, but because it is a holiday that allows us to step back and be grateful for whatever we have. Continue that feeling throughout the year with regular family dinners.

Best Thanksgiving Recipes and Tips from the Blogs:
Vino Lucci's Thanksgiving Favorites
Dinner: A Love Story's Thanksgiving Roll-out look for several great recipes by clicking related stories
6 Holiday Pumpkin Recipes from Babble's Family Kitchen
Epicurious Complete Thanksgiving Guide with Videos, Recipes, Menus
Centerpieces Without the Turkey and more vegetarian dishes from the NYT Well Blog
The Food Lab's Guide to Thanksgiving Day Planning via Serious Eats
Thanksgiving Sides from Food 52

Got a favorite not listed? Feel free to add in comments. (You can add your own blog too!)

Five Tips to Bring Teens to Family Dinner

One of the most often quoted statistics about family dinner is that it helps keeps teenagers out of trouble. CASA cites that teens that eat dinner together with their families are less likely to do drugs, drink alcohol, and are more likely to do well in school and with social relationships. The thing is it can be hard to start a family dinner tradition when your kids are older. It's not just your work commitments anymore, it's their homework, sports practices, play rehearsals, and of course, social plans, that start to fill up the evening schedule. This is a good reason to start the family dinner habit when they are young. But even if family dinner is new to you, it's well worth it to your kids to start. Here are some things that have worked for us.

1. Make food they like and make enough of it. The way to a teen’s heart is through his or her stomach. Make the foods that he or she likes and your teen will be motivated to be home. This is a bit of contradiction from the advice I usually give to families with toddlers and other picky eaters, but hopefully by the teenage years, they have settled into a normal range of preferences that the whole family can live with. Still cook only one meal for the family; that's what makes it "family dinner."
2. Invite over your teen’s friends and eat together as a group. Though this can’t happen every night, having your teen's friends over for a family meal can also be a great incentive to keep your kid at the table. Our experience has been that the kids really appreciate a home-cooked meal (though it could be take-out) and we make a real connection to the kids that our kid hangs out with. I find that even the most rambunctious teenage boys are pretty polite and agreeable when in the family dinner setting. Again, make enough food.
3. Have a set dinner time and expect your teen to show up, but be flexible. If dinner is at 7pm, then your kid knows when he or she is expected home for dinner. Make it a rule that they have to be there. Then it’s on both of you to make dinner and to be there to eat it. Be flexible though.  If you know ahead of time that sports practice or rehearsals will conflict, set alternate dinnertimes for those nights. If your kid complains that he or she is with friends, invite the friends over! It can be hard to keep to a strict schedule, especially during holidays and the summer, so I’ll let my teen skip out of family dinner occasionally. But I keep mental track to make sure not too many dinners slip by in any given week. Since it is such a solid tradition in our house, I usually just have to say something like, “Hey you’ve missed too many dinners at home.” The phrase, “We are having burgers,” works well too (see Tip #1).
4. Make your teen cook a meal. This can be a tall order, but valuable for both of you. One family I know with two teens, has each of them responsible for the family meal one night a week. It’s a big help to the parents obviously, and the teens get a big sense of accomplishment from it. If you couple this with the favorite foods idea (back to #1), then your kid can learn how to make his or her favorite dishes.

5. The dinner table is a no-nagging zone, and no gadgets either. You want your teen to come to the table and you hope there will be some positive conversation and chatting about his or her life or what’s going on with the family in general. It’s not the time to nag or run down a list of complaints or worries. Even if your kid brings up some hot topic (i.e., "My math teacher is such a jerk."), use the time to listen or talk calmly about the issue, not to nag or criticize. (You might reply, "Really? What's up?" and then just listen, stifling your urge to editorialize.)  You want your kid to see the dinner table as a positive part of the day, not a grilling session. If you want to go back to that hot topic, find another time to do it. Also, TV, cell-phone, computers, the newspaper, whether used by the teen or the adult are counter-productive to conversation and interaction. Family dinner time can be as short as 15-20 minutes, but it's very valuable. Everyone can lay off their gadgets and connect the old-fashioned way..

What is it about family dinner? Tips from research

"The moral seemed to be 'Eat dinner, read early.'" Dr. David Dickinson

Thanks to a throw-away comment in Working Moms Break, I found a NPR interview from 2008 (Family Dinner Reconstructed by Alix Spiegel) that was a goldmine of info on family dinner. The radio interview profiled 3 researchers (David Dickinson, Vanderbilt University, Barbara Fiese, Syracuse University and University of Illinois, and Dianne Neumark-Sztainer of University of Minnesota) who initially were studying different topics, but all came to the conclusion: family dinner matters.

The big research question with family dinner is a bit of a chicken and egg dilemma of "which came first?" To use the public health research terms, do highly "functional" families have their act together enough to make family dinner, and thus the "functional" nature of their family leads to better outcomes? Or is there a clear, added benefit of family dinner? If all families are equally "functional," do the ones that have family dinner together still have better outcomes? The research seems to indicate that the latter is true: family dinner helps all families do better.

"Even in families where relationships are difficult, family meals can predict better outcomes." Dr. Neumark-Sztainer.

The next question is why? What is it about family dinner? There seem to be a few themes that emerged from from their disparate research, which ranged from early childhood literacy development (Dickinson) to families with asthmatic children (Fiese) to adolescents at risk of eating disorders (Neumark-Sztainer).

Three Key Elements of Family Dinner
1) content and quality of dinner conversation, 
2) a set routine where meals have a beginning and an end, 
3) empathy and genuine concern about the participants and their daily activities. 

Dickinson found that the content of dinner table discussion was of key importance. The quality of conversations at mealtime was the strongest predictor of later development of children's language and literacy development. This trumped even the amount of book reading that was done with a child. Eating dinner together lead to having complex conversations, telling stories of the day, explaining unfamiliar words to young child and this, in turn, led to better literacy and language development. This is backed by research that the sheer number of words a child is exposed to at an early age varies greatly among and is positively related to reading and language development. Fiese found that family dinner led a decreased number of emergency room visits for children with asthma.

It begs the question whether all families can achieve this high level of involvement and positive interaction during dinner or other meal times. But I think that the best way to do family dinner is to just start. Try to set out a routine a few times a week.  You don't have to be prefect; it's not rocket science. Some days are going to be better than others. I think the real-life benefits become apparent pretty quickly and that fosters more communication and positive role-modeling for everyone. 

"There's one solid certainty about dinner. It is one of the few times in modern life when families can sit down together, speak face to face, build relationships, monitor behavior --all things that simply can't hurt." Alix Spiegel, paraphrasing Dr. Dickinson

More Tips for Table Talk

Having conversations with your kids and your partner are one of the main highlights of family dinner. We don't have great conversations every night. Some nights it's more like a traffic jam of talk with shouts of "We need a serving spoon!", "Who wants juice?", "My dear toddler, please sit down!", "Quick! Get the paper towels!" But the dinner table is a time when we usually get to each say a sentence or two about "our day." This often leads into broader conversations or questions about the world and their place in it. My kids know that they can always catch us at dinner with questions about stuff.

Meg Cox, author of The Book of New Family Traditions, suggests that you create a family dinner basket to help with conversations. Basically, it's just a box of simple ideas or questions that can be used as conversation starters. You can make your own or buy one. The Family Dinner Box of Questions gives a portion of the proceeds benefits CASA, one of the champion organizations for family dinner. More tips for getting conversations started are below.

• Keep it easy. Talk about light subjects, not grades or chores or the day's "bad behavior." Use it as a time to compliment your child on something he or she did that day.
• Let the kids direct the conversation. Prompt them with specific questions about a school subject or after school activity.
• If you know your child has a story from his day (i.e., a field trip), encourage him to re-tell it for the rest of the family. Don't re-tell it for him. Encourage him to recount it, or add more details to the story.
  
• Let the kids interrupt you. But try to let each of your kids have a turn talking. Sometimes that "competition" for the floor is what really gets them talking!
  

We recently instituted a "no TV or computer after dinner" rule, so that the kids don't run off immediately to a screen. This has definitely improved their willingness and ability to linger and have conversations at the table. Plus, they are on hand to help clear the plates and help with dishes.

(If you need the time to decompress and chat with your spouse, feel free to use the TV as a babysitter after dinner. I'm not anti-TV; I just know that TV kills conversation. So, if you want talk, nix the TV. Our TV is in a separate room, so we don't hear it or see it if we're at the table.)

Since there's no TV time after dinner, sometimes we have time for a family game. We've been playing Apples to Apples, Jr. which is so much fun. We end up talking and laughing through the whole thing. Less competitive games end up working better for us, and encourage more talking.

Round-up: Family Dinner Tips From Other Sites

Here's a quick round-up of family dinner tips I found from other web sites. The writers include medical doctors, social scientists, and a pediatric nurse (who is also a feng-shui specialist).

• Make it a family priority.
• Sit at the table, not the kitchen counter, not in front of the TV.
• Parents signal the start and end of the meal.
• Keep conservation easy: no lectures or nagging.

From: Linda Varone, RN, MA Psychology

• Family meals are for connection and communication.
• Healthy habits are easier to introduce at a family table.

From: MedicineNet.com

Tips for Teens:

• Remember, teens are in a growth stage and need better nutrition (as well as all that sleep!)
• Don't let them "opt out" of dinner, even if they say they have homework.
• Set rules so the focus in on the table and talking, such as "no texting or taking cell phone calls" at dinner.

From articles about Adolescence and Family Dinner, Drs. Nuemark-Sztainer and Doherty, Univ. of Minnesota and Texting Generation Gap, NYT, 03.09.08

Tips on Making Family Dinner Work, #2

Challenge: Between work schedules and kid's activities, it's just too hard to schedule family dinner.

Suggestion: Look at schedules realistically, then make a plan.
For instance: Schedule dinnertime at 7 pm, 3 nights a week (M, W, F). Schedule one weekend meal together (breakfast, lunch, dinner).

We had a lot of fights about family dinner over the years. Many arguments were started splitting hairs over when "exactly" dinner was to be served. Though I have worked full-time, part-time, and not at all during my "career" as a mom (a job in itself), I have always been in charge of scheduling dinner. I'm not always the one actually cooking it, but on weeknights, I pretty much decide what we are having and when. These days, my husband usually gets home at 6:45pm, which is great. (Yet, he still doesn't really understand that 15 minutes late, or even 5 minutes, at the end of the day can make a huge difference in moods and tempers for the rest of us.)

There was a time when his "coming home" schedule was wildly erratic. I had no idea when in the window of 6:30pm to 8pm he would be coming home. There were a lot of frayed nerves and arguing then. At some point, I just decided that dinner would be served at 7:00pm, take it or leave it. I couldn't take the "waiting" and wondering when he would get home anymore. It seemed so unfair to the kids and me. But it was also unfair to him. I was mad no matter when he got home. He always seemed "late." No one likes to be jumped on the second he or she gets home. (Unless it's with the loving cheer of "Mommy/Daddy's home," coupled with small children running into arms.)

Once I set the schedule, guess what? He changed his schedule. He wanted to be home for dinner and it was easier to do this when he knew dinner was at 7:00 pm. Not every night, of course, but many more nights he got by home by 6:45. And he knew when he should call to say he would be late; after 7:00pm would be offically late. It's obvious that once something can be put into a schedule, it can become easier to manage. Even in the crazy, work-all-the-time professions, I think that a parent can try to make a commitment to come home for dinner once or twice a week. It becomes easier if dinner is set at a particular time and can be scheduled just like any other "meeting." With a set dinner time, even the working-late parent who has an erratic schedule can have a goal to shoot for a couple of nights a week.

Weekends are also a great time to play catch-up. Try to schedule at least one weekend meal together. Some families have Sunday morning pancakes or some other big breakfast as a tradition. Or Sunday night can be a sit-down dinner night.

If the kids' schedules are the problem, you can still use the dinner time as a carrot. Teens want to have dinner together with the family, whether they act like it or not. Talk with your older kid about his or her activities and try to find 1 or 2 nights a week that can be family dinner nights. You might not be able to change track practice, but hanging out with friends can be shifted to the weekend. Your teen might appreciate the responsibility and the structure of knowing that he or she is expected home for dinner, by a certain time, a couple of times a week. If you are still in charge of the afterschool schedule for your child, cut a few activities. Your child may be relieved to have the extra breathing room. Remember, family dinner is just as important a goal as loading up on extracurriculars.

Of course, busy families have to be flexible week after week. There may be valid reasons to shift dinner time occasionally or tweak it night by night. This week might have final rehearsals for a school play or a big project at work. But excuses only go so far. There's never a perfect time to start having family dinner; you just have to get started and stick to it.

Tips on Making Family Dinner Work, #1

I know that making family dinner happen is not easy. I understand the challenges; I've been there. Here are some of my random thoughts on how to face one of the most typical challenges.

Challenge: Kids need to eat early; partner comes home too late for full family dinner

Suggestion: Let the kids have an early dinner, but make it a "real dinner" too.

Make it a "real dinner" with either the food or the tone (or both). Don't just serve out mac and cheese and stand over them while they eat it. Or clean up the kitchen, or the house, while they eat "kid dinner". Sit down with your kids. Talk to them. Eat some of what they are eating or a have a snack when they eat. You can have a "second dinner" with your partner later, or skip the later dinner and just sit to keep company with your spouse.

Of course, parenting is all about multi-tasking and it is "efficient" to clean up while they eat. But family dinner is not about efficient; it's about spending time together and paying attention to one another. Your kids being "picky" or refusing to eat what's served may be rooted in wanting more attention. Refusing to eat brings you to the table, doesn't it? Give them attention without focusing on the food. Try to think of "attention" as preventive medicine to avoid unwanted behaviors.

Ideally, you are only making one dinner (that's time efficient). So perhaps you are serving the kids from the communal pot and you'll eat the same with your partner when he or she comes home. Or you cook one sauce that goes over two separately cooked pots of pasta. (Get a hand-held pasta strainer, so that you can remove the pasta and save the hot water for another round of cooking.) If you must serve two dinners because of the time crunch, find ways to streamline the process.

One mom friend of mine told me that her kids eat early, but then they have dessert and talk with Dad once he gets home. They make that their time for all sitting together for a few minutes before bedtime. Another friend, whose partner can never make it to dinner because of work, told me that she tries to make dinner with her son special by lighting a small tea light candle when they are eating together. It sets a mood, and gets their attention that this is "family time." Anything can work: the idea is to create a family dinner ritual, be it with one parent or two, and to enjoy that time together every night.

Local School Food

Since I'm a parent and an advocate for family dinner, I'm especially interested in feeding kids and helping them have a healthy relationship with food. Schools are an important part of this equation. In New York, and many other locales, school cafeteria food is the only consistent meal of the day that many kids can count on. There are so many challenges for school and food.

• How to create nutritious and affordable fare day after day for a large numbers of kids?
• How to make the food attractive and tasty (thus eaten) in addition to being healthy?
• How do you keep junk food at bay, but still have enough food revenue to cover expenses?
• How to you get kids to try new, and hopefully healthier, foods?
  

I love the idea that schools can tap into local farm resources for some of their school menus. But there are many challenges to overcome. The Board of Eduction relies on federal agricultural supplies and there are a labyrinth of regulations to change procurement methods to assure safe food for the kids. One Brooklyn school supports a CSA and a local farmer (Dines Farm, a staple at many NYC Greenmarkets), but not directly to the cafeteria table. The initial idea was to develop a relationship so that the local produce could find its way to the kids at school. That didn't work out, but the PTA saved the idea by offering parents membership in a school-based CSA. Now at least some parents are getting local produce and meat to serve for dinner. Plus, it's starting an education process for both kids and parents about the food-farm connection. It's a good start.

Alice Waters and the Edible Schoolyard in Berkeley, CA is one inspiration. Martin Luther King Jr., Middle School has its own garden and a full curriculum of growing, cooking, and using plants for dyes and science experiments. Still, it is wholly supported by a private foundation and thus may be hard to mimic on a broad scale. Edible Schoolyard's website has useful tips and suggestions (lessons learned the hard way, it notes) for school and communities that want to incorporate real gardening into the local food movement.

I found so many farm-to-school links, resources and articles out there (some listed below). It's an idea worth fighting for.

Upcoming Conferences and other Resources:
Edible NYC: Green it! Grow it! Eat it! at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, this weekend, March 8th.
Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) 2008, March 29, Teachers College Columbia University, New York.
Schools, Food and Community Conference, April 11-12, Teachers College Columbia University, New York (Pre-register at www.baumforum.org).
Baum Forum Resource Guide. See past forums and resource guides to find links and articles about a wide range of local food topics, such as School Food Resources and the Urban Food System.
National Farm to School A national organization that helps connect schools and farms.
New York Farm to School Resources Compiled by NYFarms! a statewide coalition of farmers, businesses, government agencies and non-profits committed to NY farms and families.
Free Lunch Isn't Cool, so Some Students Go Hungry NYT, 3.1.08
Fast Food 101 NYT Well Blog, 12.28.07
Local Food 101, with a School as his Lab, NYT, 05.13.07
Naked Lunch, NYT 02.11.07
Do Apple Slices Make the Grade? NYT, 04.05.06 Great article that highlights some of the challenges to getting healthier food in cafeterias.

It's all in the prep

The more I think about family dinner, the more I think it's all in the prep. Believe me, I'm not one of those super-organized people who can plan a week's meals in advance. Whenever I make a detailed shopping list, I lose it. Except for chicken stock, I don't reliably cook make-ahead meals.

Still, I know that a modicum of advance planning saves me, and dinner, night after night. The main planning I do is at the grocery store. I do a huge grocery shop every week, keeping a mental tally of how many dinner main dishes and veggies I've thrown in the cart. I keep freezer and side dish staples well stocked at home.

I also prep right before dinner. At 6pm, my panic button goes off and I realize that I have to soak the rice, wash the veggies, or stage any number of items for dinner ("mise en place" is the fancy, cooking term). I often "pre-boil" the water for pasta. I put a pot of water on, and when it boils, I cover it to keep the heat in. Then when I'm actually ready to make the pasta, it only takes a couple of minutes to boil, not the usual 15 minutes or more. If I have a long, slow-cooked meal or something to marinate, I have to remember to start prep before school pick up or earlier in the day. If I forget to start early enough, I might shift that dish to another night. This advance prep usually takes no more than 15 or 20 minutes. The actual cooking then goes much faster and more smoothly once we are all home and ready to eat.

More articles on prepping dinner:
Racket in the Kitchen, Ruckus in the Crib. NYT, 02.27.08 Best line, "I am the silent chef." This article is about prepping dinner early so as not to disturb a sleeping newborn (wise papa), but is applicable to advance prep for all family dinners.

Make Meals Easy with "Mise en Place". Any cook can benefit from the professional chef practice of "mise en place," which means having all the ingredients chopped and organized before cooking.

Mom Puts Family on Her Meal Plan. NYT, 07.11.07 Hey, if you can be this organized, more power to you.

"So, how was your day?" Tips on table talk

The family dinner table gives you a regular, consistent time of day to talk with your kids and your partner. This is certainly true for my family. Even my 2 year old has started to ask, "So, how was your day?" when she sits down at the table. "Good, I had a good day. How was your day?" is the generic response. It's a little bland, but it does convey that someone cares and is listening. With 5 people at the table, usually someone will jump in, grab the floor and start re-telling an actual story. Between my talkative 12 year old and my competitive 9 year old vying for attention and their share of table talk, silence is not a problem we have.

I know many parents, though, who lament the one-word answers or grunts they get from their kids to that generic question, "How was your day?" My main advice is:

If you want specific stories, you have to ask better questions.

Starting when your kids are in preschool, coach yourself on how to ask questions about their "day." Simple questions help your child open up: "Did you do art today? What did you make? Did you visit the library?"

For older kids, it may be harder to have those easy clues about what he or she actually did in school. Just try some random age-appropriate topics, keeping off those testy academic subjects. Instead try: "What was for lunch in the cafeteria? What sports are you doing in gym or recess?" Asking an innocuous question about lunch or recess may actually get you some juicy back story on your child's peer relationships. My kid always has stories about who-dissed-who in the cafeteria and what rivalries are on-going during gym or recess.

More tips:
Know something about their day to trigger recall and to show that you are paying attention. I still have a schedule of my older kids daily activities, so I will sometimes use that as a crutch to start conversations.

Talk to your partner instead. Kids learn how to have conversations by listening to adults. They hear the narrative of stories as well as the give-and-take of conversation. Often, they model this unconsciously. For me, starting a conversation with my husband never lasts more than a few seconds, anyway. One of my kids quickly interrupts with something he or she finds more interesting.

Give them a "scaffold" to stand on. Ask specific, non-threatening questions. Break the "big" question apart into smaller questions. Use follow-up, if the first response was one word or a non-committal grunt.

You don't have to judge or comment. Just listen. If whatever your child reports from school doesn't result in an argument or conflict, he or she might be more inclined to talk again.

Turn off the TV: Watching TV while eating dinner kills conversation. There is just no way to really talk and engage while you are watching TV. And if you are not engaging with your kids at dinner, you are passing up a great opportunity.

Many of these topics are discussed in Miriam Weinstein's The Surprising Power of Family Meals. It's a great book that I'm sure to be referring to regularly as I write this blog.

The Kitchen Cabinet

Espousing food philosophy is all well and good, but you also have to actually get dinner on the table in order to have a family meal. These are things I always have on hand to help whip up a quick meal.

From the Kitchen Cabinet, with links to some of my favorite brands:

• Pasta. Angel Hair, especially, because the kids love it and it only takes 5 minutes (Preheat the water and cover it, until you are nearly ready for the pasta. That way you can time the sauce and the pasta being finished close to the same time.)
• Best bottled sauce you can get or canned tomatoes
• Newman’s Own Salad Dressing. For salad obviously, but also can be a quick marinade with added garlic, lemon, or extra vinegar.
• Near-East Rice Dishes. Some of these have a lot of sodium, but they are fool-proof. If your family like rices, try a rice cooker. We like Kokuhou Rose Japanese Rice, which we can get in Chinatown.
  
• Garlic
• Olive Oil
• Spices. Have the standards on hand in dried form: tarragon, basil, thyme, parsley, and whatever else you like. Buy one fresh herb a week if possible and use it to liven up different dishes during the week.
• Some jars of specialty foods. For example, capers, artichoke hearts, or olives can be thrown into almost any sauce or a marinade to add flavor. Just be careful not to combine too much, especially if you're new to this. Try one special item at a time.
  

Learn how to make 2-3 quick pasta sauces with your staples. I whip something up with ham, peas, Parmesan cheese, and milk that is a close cousin to Linguine Alfredo and is always a hit. Or chicken breasts, or thin pork chops can be marinated for 15-20 minutes while the rice cooks or the pasta water boils, and then quickly sauteed or grilled. Having some easy fall-back recipes and supplies can help you get dinner on the table on even the craziest nights.

Tip #10, Ten Tips Continued

10. It’s not a battleground; it’s a family table.

Again keep the goal in mind: you want to have enjoyable, consistent family time together around the table, not a nightly battle of wills. No one wants to be a part of that. Avoid hot topics, or using the dinner table as a time to criticize your kids, your partner or to“catch up” with nagging. Let them crow accomplishments or complain about teachers without correction and they will likely want to talk more.

If you have picky eaters and “eating food” is the hot topic, start the family meal plan with favorite foods and avoid talking about the food or counting bites. Serve small portions or have the kids serve themselves. There’s no “clean plate” club. Talk about other stuff, not the food. Once the meal becomes about something other than the food (i.e. it's about being together), it might be easier to introduce some new foods and experiences.

When the topic of the "family dinner table" comes up, many people remember their own family meals as children as being terrible. It can be hard to leave whatever baggage of your own childhood behind, but parenthood can be a great chance to do things differently. Brand your own family meal with the dynamic that suits you, your partner, and your kids. Have fun at your family table!

Tip #9, Ten Tips Continued

9. Make only one meal—you are not a short-order chef.

It’s not really a family meal if everyone’s eating something different. And it is just too much work to create several meals a night. If you have really picky eaters, try to make a side dish that you know everyone will like. Serving plain pasta with butter on the side is OK; encourage your kid to try to main dish.

I love the blog Make Your Own Damn Dinner, in part because the writer, Badger, made a “selfish” choice that had unintended benefits for her family. In the summer of 2006, Badger decided that she didn’t want to play the short-order cook anymore and that she would make just one dinner for the family, take it or leave it. She decided that her kids (at 8 and 10 years old) were old enough to make themselves something else if they didn’t like what she was making. Read “How it all began” on the sidebar for her funny and inspiring story. Guess what? Dinner became easier and more fun for everyone. She lists loads of quick and easy meals, posting every week or so. For meal ideas and inspiration, and you can scan the links by food under “What’s Cooking?”

Here are more tips on picky eaters, but beware of conflicting advice. Follow you own judgment, but stay committed to reducing your own work load and anxiety around dinner!

Tip #8, Ten Tips Continued

8. It’s OK to Eat Late.
I call this “European-style” dining. Given work schedules and afterschool commitments, it’s often hard to have dinner at the “normal hour” of 6 pm or even 7 pm. So what? Eat later. If you are eating a real meal together with your family, eating at 8 pm is preferable to not eating together at all.

An important corollary to this rule is that it’s OK for the kids to snack early. Eating late assumes that everyone’s had a healthy snack afterschool and are not completely starving. It also assumes that really little ones (under 3 years old) eat their dinner early and are perhaps even in bed. (No one else in the family is going to enjoy dinner if there’s a toddler in a puddle on the floor.) Balancing reasonable bedtimes and dinner is a challenge, but you can do it.

This is what works most nights in my family: I feed my 2 year old dinner at about 6 pm, then she stays up to see her Dad when he gets home from work at 6:30 pm or 7 pm. She’ll usually go to bed right after that. My husband starts (or finishes) dinner while I finish bedtime. Then we sit down with my older kids, ages 8 and 12, some time between 7:30 and 8 pm, occasionally as late as 8:30 pm. Yes, it’s bedtime for them right after this, but the homework is done (usually) and there’s time to chat.

I spent many years grumbling about late dinners and late bedtimes. But we kept it up because my husband wanted to spend time with the kids at night, and we figured having dinner together was the best way to ensure this. My kids now like to eat late and want to wait until we are all home to eat together, even if one of us has a late meeting. It’s just better when we are together.

Tip #7, Ten Tips Continued

7. The better you eat, the better you’ll feel.

The previous tip aside, the better quality food you can put on the table, the better off you and your family will be. You’ll enjoy it more (which is the main goal in my opinion) and it will be more healthy for you in the long run. Fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, real food, not processed food, are all better for you. You know this, but it can be hard to avoid the siren call of convenience at your supermarket deli case or frozen food aisle. Just make a commitment to improve—that’s the first step. You might be pretty frightened to read what’s in that frozen dinner. Look at the label: the ingredients, and the fat, sugar or calorie content. As Michael Pollan suggests, use the Grandmother rule. If your Grandma would have no idea what that ingredient is, think twice before eating it!

There was a brand of frozen chicken pot pies I used to buy. The packaging evoked home-cooked and the ingredients shown the carton’s photo seemed “real” enough. They tasted good and were pretty easy. One day I looked at the label. That pie had something like 77% of your daily fat allowance per serving and lots of sodium. I never bought one again. Look at the labels, make better food choices, and buy food without labels—fresh fruits and vegetables.

Tip #6, Ten Tips Continued

6. Don’t be afraid to “cheat.”

It’s OK to mix pre-made food with home-cooked food. It’s OK to use convenience foods. If you’ve never cooked a full meal in your life, no one expects you to start making everything from scratch tomorrow. Depending on where you are on the spectrum of making family meals, you can start off in your comfort zone and then try to improve.

Personally, I do make a lot of “home-made” food. It works for me because I think it's healthier, saves money, and just plain tastes better. Also, my husband is a great cook, so I’m not shouldering all the meals, everyday. But I use my share of frozen and convenience foods. I try to balance out our meals, or at least balance the week, using a combination of homemade and convenience foods. If we are short on time or energy, it might be broiled fish and macaroni and cheese for dinner tonight. The next day, I would try something more “ambitious,” but still simple, like sautéed chicken breasts, rice, and fresh broccoli.

There are lots of quick and easy cookbooks out there; ask for one for Christmas or or buy yourself one for Hanukkah (two more nights left!). Mark Bittman's "How to Cook Everything" is a classic.

Tip #5, Ten Tips Continued

5. Make it Fancy. Or Make it Easy.

Boost up your enjoyment of the family meal by crafting it to your own tastes. Create an environment that works for you, making changes based on how much time you have that night. Make the table look nice, adjust the lighting. Or make it easy and use paper plates. Do whatever you can to make it fun for yourself and your family.

Since tonight’s Friday, maybe you or one of your children can take a few extra minutes to put out a tablecloth or candles. Kids love the privilege of using fancy glassware or special plates. If your kids are old enough not to spill or instantaneously break things, put out nice dishes. You don’t have to save your nice stuff only for holidays, use it! If you don't particularly like your tableware, you can get some reasonably-priced plates at Target or CB2. Get something you like and that makes you happy to place on the table. The cost may be less than a take-out meal or two. I recently purchased a rustic Mediterranean-style serving plate that I love. It really makes the food look great and instantly makes everyday dinners seem special.

On the other hand, some families make Friday "take-out" night. Order Chinese or a pizza and watch a family movie or play a game together. That’s a fine tradition too! (If you want to avoid take-out, making your own pizza is also fun.)