The Family Dinner Conference, April 18, 2013: Join the Conversation!

Family dinner can be a surprisingly hot topic of conversation. NPR is currently doing a series about family dinner that is generating a lot of buzz. Many of the profiled families fit a mold that suggests that family dinner nowadays is an impossible dream. Yet listeners and commenters have chimed in and overwhelming gave witness to how family dinner was indeed alive and well at their house. Despite juggling work schedules, kid's commitments and the just "too few hours in a day" issues we all face, many families are finding a way to make family dinner a priority.

So, clearly there's a lot to talk about. This spring, on April 18, 2013 the first ever Family Dinner Conference will be held at New York University's Kimmel Center, organized by my friend Billy Mawhiney from Time at the Table. It will be an excellent place to get the conversation about family dinner going. For parents and educators, this conference is a chance to learn about practical solutions and to forward new ideas. It will be a place to find kindred spirits in our belief in family dinner, while sharing evidence and telling stories about how it's done by busy, modern families across the country.

Starting with the keynote by Jenny Rosenstrach best-selling author of Dinner A Love Story, there will be an all-star line up of authors, bloggers, and nutrition experts, including Aviva Goldfarb of the The Six O'Clock Scramble and Pam Koch of Kids Cook Monday. (See the full schedule here.) The Blog for Family Dinner Team, including Kathleen Cuneo of Dinner Together, Billy, and me, will host a luncheon panel discussion. We will all be presenting and discussing real strategies to make family dinner work. It promises to be a great and inspirational day!

Participants will hear from the entire panel of speakers and will enjoy close-up conversations during the Q&As, lunch and afternoon networking sessions. In the admission price is included a light breakfast, lunch, and an afternoon smoothie bar. Sponsorship opportunities are also available.

Join us at the first Family Dinner Conference in NYC!

The Family Dinner Conference

Thursday April 18,

9:30am-4:30pm

New York University, Kimmel Center

60 Washington Square South

New York, NY 10012

www.familydinnerconference.com

info@timeatthetable.org

347-450-TATT (8288)

The Teen Solution to Family Dinner

In preparing a presentation for high school educators recently, I had a "light bulb" moment. Teens are an untapped resource in the family dinner equation. When we think of family dinner, teenagers hardly even enter into the picture. This may be because they have busy schedules, just like their parents, or perhaps parents of teens have already given up on a family table! But the teenager years are a crucial time where family dinner can really help parents and older kids stay connected. Moreover, teens can help make dinner happen -- the Teen Solution to Family Dinner!

Real Benefits for Teens

Kids, teens and adults who have family dinner regularly report feeling more connected, happier and less stressed. This has a special resonance for teens. I was recently shocked and saddened to learn that 1 in 25 teens has attempted suicide and 1 in 8 has had some thoughts of suicide. Teen mood swings are typical, yet teen depression and other mental health problems are a very real threat that parents and educators need to be attuned to. Just the act of having a few meals together, at any time of day, can bring this crucial connection. Family dinner has been shown to be a positive behavioral therapy for teens with eating disorders, substance abuse problems, and other mental health issues.

Furthermore, teens actually like having dinner with their families, despite the stereotypes. They appreciate having a regular time with parents and they report eating more healthful foods with the family. As Tara Parker-Pope, reported in The New York Times Well Blog, a few years ago, even people working in the field can forget.

Despite her research, Dr. Neumark-Sztainer was surprised when her own son was interviewed by a local television station about the family’s regular Friday night meal. A senior in high school at the time, he told the reporter, “I like that my parents expect me to be home, because it makes me feel important.’’

Real Help from Teens

The number one complaint from parents about family dinner is the time it takes to put dinner on the table. The light bulb moment came when I read that one of teens' biggest frustrations was that parents did not let them help more in the kitchen! Clearly, this is a potential win-win for parents and teens. Depending on where you live, teens can help shop, prep for, and/or cook dinner for their families, in addition to the more traditional role of cleaning up. Even if it is just once or twice a week, letting your teen take charge of dinner could mean the difference between having dinner together or not. Actually taking responsibility for making the family meal can be a great way to bolster self-confidence and self-esteem. Teens hate doing "busy-work" and may actually be more willing to cook for the family (an important job) rather than taking out the garbage (easier, but a more menial task).

The teenage years are an excellent time to learn cooking as a real-life survival skill. Unlike grade school children, where cooking is solely "fun," teenagers will actually be cooking for themselves in just a few years. I cooked dinner for my family while my mom worked nights, and I think that's where my confidence in the kitchen came from. I cooked meals throughout college to save money and was often surprised that other people didn't know how to cook. Though I'm able to make much more sophisticated meals now, I started with serving my mom's pre-made crock-pot dinners and re-heating frozen vegetables.

As the mom of two teens, I know having your teen cook dinner might be a hard sell; it definitely depends on the personalities involved. You may even have to scale back your own expectations about what constitutes dinner. (In an article from last year, My Sons, the Sous-Chefs, a NYT writer humblebrags about her sons cooking full meals and manage to critique their technique at the same time!)

What do you think? Is it possible to have teens or tweens actually make family dinner? Would this help your family eat together more often?

New Year: Looking Forward on Family Dinner and more

Goodbye 2012, you son of a bitch.
-- My good friend Julian Fleisher's Facebook reflection on New Year's Eve. Yes, it got a lot of "Likes."

With the Hurricane Sandy disaster and the tragic killings in Sandy Hook, the end of 2012 has surely been one of the more difficult times in recent memory. I remember when 9/11 happened; it stopped me in my tracks. As the parent of young children, as a New Yorker, as a professional and political person (I was teaching Public Policy at NYU that year), 9/11 turned my world-view upside down, even though I wasn't "personally" affected. This fall felt a bit like a flashback of that terrible fall 11 years ago. Though I feel deeply lucky and grateful that my family and loved ones are safe and sound, I was still struck by a need to reflect, take stock, and brood over what next steps I should or could take in light of these events.

I haven't been posting very much, in part because I have felt torn. So many of my emotions and thoughts were tied up in issues that were only tangentially related to family dinner, if at all. As a country, we need sane gun control. As world citizens, we must confront and act on climate change. As members of our community, we must look for ways to keep making a difference and help each other, neighbor by neighbor. On a personal level, I knew what to do: give time, give money, give blood, share a political petition or two, give some more money. But, other than a prompt to discuss these matters at the dinner table, how would those topics fit into this blog on family dinner?

Promoting family dinner and spreading the word about healthy eating at home and at school is still at the core of my work and advocacy. But there's a wider universe of solutions that can improve public health and the well-being and resiliency of children and adults in my community. In addition to nutrition and access to good food, we can and should talk about ideas like livable streets, urban gardening, green infrastructure, and ways to support children and adults with better education, safe streets and more economic opportunity.

I am pushing back against my old habits of dividing my alliances, which started back in middle school. I didn't think my "nerdy" school friends could possibly relate my "cooler" neighborhood friends, so I always tried to keep them separate. I've been inadvertently doing that by keeping my community activism separate from my work in promoting healthy food and family dinner. Foolishness really; it is all more connected that we realize. As this world of expanded social networks shows us, more is more. More friends, more connections, more topics clashing is not something to be afraid of. Synergies and big ideas are only possible when you mash-up unexpected skills, talents, and interests. I hope to do more of that this year, both online and off; I'll just have to try to figure out how.

Here's my idea for new beginnings in 2013: I'll keep the Eatdinner.org blog and the Eatdinner Facebook page focused specifically on healthy eating and the benefits of family dinner. I'll not shy away from my opinions on more diverse topics on Twitter (@eatdinner) or in person. I hope you'll continue to follow me in all these venues and that we can continue our conversations and debates together and learn from each other.

Despite the heartbreaks of 2012, in this new year, I am looking forward. I am re-thinking how to best channel my passions and advocacy into making the world, especially my local community, a better place. I am actively seeking opportunities to improve my community in Brooklyn and New York City--if you live or work nearby, I'd love to connect with you to discuss specific projects, or maybe just have coffee. If we already know each other in the blogosphere or from the neighborhood, feel free to connect with me via LinkedIn. Of course I'd love to have you follow me here, on Facebook, or Twitter.

Here is to a bright, happy and healthy 2013!

Grateful for Our Urban Harvest

I've been amazed and grateful for over the last few weeks to witness the huge outpouring of support for neighbors in need following Hurricane Sandy. I have always known New Yorkers to be generous and giving, despite the tough exteriors that we may show. What I've also been reminded of again and again is our flexibility, resilience and persistence. Inspired by Red, Round and Green's call for #SecondHelpings, I wanted to share this story about how small efforts can add up to make a real difference.

On Monday, my daughter's public school held its annual Harvest Day celebration. Originally scheduled for the week Hurricane Sandy hit, it was unclear if the event, themed "Our Urban Harvest," could even be rescheduled. The band couldn't make it, nor could the worm composters from the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. A few of the outdoor art projects also had to be scrapped because it could only be held inside. Would it even be worth it?

A key component of Harvest Day was a food drive which seemed especially needed in our community this year, so with the backing of the administration, we went ahead with a curtailed day. There were concerns about the hasty re-scheduling. Parents were only given a couple days notice (a backpack flyer on Friday for a Monday event (!)) and there was concern of donor fatigue (this would be week 4 of near-continuous asking for local donations). All those worries were washed away as the food and donations came pouring in that morning in the school yard. There was such a mountain of food, we weren't quite sure how to handle it.

The kids stepped in. Preschoolers and Kindergarteners sorted cans and older children actually put together boxes of balanced meals for the pantry. They were all beaming and filled with pride because it was clear that this urban harvest had a purpose. Their donations were not just being left in a big pile at the schoolyard gate to go some mysterious place; they were being actively organized and sorted to go to a real family's Thanksgiving table.

Parent volunteers drove over 40 meal boxes and many other bags filled with goods to the food pantry. One parent stepped in to rent a truck to bring over the haul, once it was clear that a couple of cars wasn't going to do it!

Parent volunteers.

Once at the pantry, they were welcomed. Another volunteer reported:

We just dropped off the food at the [food pantry] in Sunset Park. The gentleman who received us was so choked up - he said he was so worried because the shelves were bare. They didn't know what they were going to do for Thanksgiving. 

The shelves had only a few boxes of cereal until our delivery showed up.

Some critical differences that made this food drive a success:

1. The school PTA worked closely with a local pantry and asked them what was needed. The pantry was able to refrigerate items and could distribute the ingredients for meals, not just canned or non-perishable goods. 
2. Each class was asked to put together a Thanksgiving meal for a family. Rather than just ask for "anything," specific sign-up sheets were established so parents could donate a main course, fresh or canned fruits and vegetables, fresh bread and pies and all the other makings of a real Thanksgiving feast. This avoided duplication and made the bounty much more diverse. Fresh fruits and vegetables, fresh bread and pies are very rare but welcome commodities at food pantries, if they can store them. 
3. The kids learned about healthy choices and balanced meals and then immediately put that knowledge into action. The food was arrayed into sections across the gym floor, and the children were encouraged to choose items to make balanced meal boxes.

Over 40 main courses (turkeys, chickens and hams) were donated.

As for the kids, I'm sure they probably missed not having a band or not having any take-home arts and crafts goodies. But they will remember being a small part of something bigger, making a difference by being part of the our urban harvest of generosity.

Happy Thanksgiving!

#Second Helpings
Red, Round and Green's Round -Up
The Lunch Tray's Round-up 

Comfort Foods & Cash: Carrot Tzimmes for #FBS4Sandy

Food Bloggers Support Sandy Recovery #FBS4Sandy 

I am proud as ever to be a New Yorker and Brooklynite. I live just a few blocks away from flooded Red Hook and Gowanus and just a few miles away from some of the worst of Hurricane Sandy's devastation in the Rockaways and Coney Island. I can report from the field that the outpouring of support--goods, money and hands-on help--has been truly inspiring and almost overwhelming in this time of great need for our city.

One of the most pressing needs has been to help deliver hot foods to serve to flood-stricken survivors, to the elderly that are without electricity, to evacuees that are in shelters around the city and to the many volunteers who have been on hand to dig out, bail out or help out in any way they can. Something as fleeting and precious as a warm cooked meal has served to both feed hungry bellies and to show that people, strangers no less, really care.

I love #FBS4Sandy idea from Barbara at Creative Culinary's and Jenn from Jenn Cuisine  to build food blogger support to raise money and awareness for Sandy Recovery efforts. I believe in the power of our online community. We can help with thoughts, prayers and dollars so that the "real-life" communities of New York, New Jersey and all the affected areas on the East Coast have the tools and support they need to rebuild.

Give to the Red Cross, or considering giving to one of the local on-the-ground sources I list below. Our local Brooklyn communities have doing tremendous work and have been in many ways more nimble and earlier on the scene that FEMA and the Red Cross.

Today I present my family recipe for Carrot Tzimmes; it is a wonderful, healthy comfort food that is a staple at our Thanksgiving and Passover dinners. I wanted to use a vegetable dish because unfortunately vegetables have been sorely lacking from the hot-food donations. If you are making or giving food locally, consider a vegetable dish like this or a healthy soup.

Carrot Tzimmes
Tzimmes means "with a lot of fuss" but this recipe is actually very easy. You can also use sweet potatoes or a mixture.

1-2 lbs of sliced carrots (depending on how many people you are serving)
2 Tbs of each Butter and Olive Oil
1/2-1 cup Orange Juice, enough to fill pan by 1/3.
2 Tbsps. Honey or brown sugar
1/2 cup Raisins or currants, more or less to taste
1 tsp Cinnamon, more or less to taste
Salt and Pepper to taste

Parboil carrots. Melt butter in microwave, add equal amount of olive oil. Then mix in orange juice, honey, and cinnamon. Drain carrots and arrange in 9x12 baking dish. Pour in orange juice mixture, adding more liquid if needed. Toss in raisins and cover with foil. Whenever the oven is free, place pan in oven for about 30 minutes or until hot. If you like the carrots to be more golden brown, remove foil and heat for another 15 minutes or more, until desired color.

(Oven Temperature can vary, though 350 degrees is ideal. If oven is hotter than 350, decrease time and check more regularly so that it does not burn.)

Check out Creative Culinary's List of #FBS4Sandy contributors here. Remember these virtual posts of comfort foods for #FBS4Sandy will only help actually feed people if you give generously. Below I've listed links of local organizations as well as national ones. More details on the local resources are in my post from earlier this week.


Local Resources:
Occupy Sandy Wedding Registry on Amazon

Red Hook Initiative 

Brooklyn Recovery Fund 

Mayor’s Fund to Advance New York City

National Resources:

American Red Cross 

Salvation Army 

United Way Sandy Recovery Fund 

Feeding America

Resources to Support NYC in Recovery from Hurricane Sandy

In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, I have been moved to tears and moved to action many times this week. My family was blessed to be unharmed and without damage. Neighbors less than a few blocks away were less lucky, but for the most part, the damage my close friends experienced is repairable. Many others, so many families that lost their loved ones or their homes, are really hurting.

It is heartbreaking to see the devastation of many of our cherished communities in Brooklyn, Red Hook, the Rockaways and other nearby communities of Staten Island, Long Island and New Jersey. The volunteerism and outpouring of resources (time, money and goods) has been amazing and overwhelming. It will be a long haul to rebuild, a marathon not a sprint, and we need sustained help and commitments from everyone.

I have listed a few resources for making contributions, mostly financial, but there is also an Amazon registry that you can purchase and send goods.

Thank you for all your help and support and please keep it up!  For the love of our city and our country, many, many thanks.


Occupy Sandy Wedding Registry on Amazon

Where to Eat, Donate and Volunteer for Sandy Relief from The Village Voice

Brokelyn Blog, which has had amazing and repeatedly updated resources on the relief efforts

Red Hook Initiative 

List from the NYTimes: Volunteers Flock to Disaster Areas 11.4.12

American Red Cross www.redcross.org/hurricane-sandy

Brooklyn Recovery Fund www.brooklynrecoveryfund.org

Mayor’s Fund to Advance New York Citywww.nyc.gov/html/fund/html/home/home.shtml

Salvation Army www.salvationarmyusa.org

United Way Sandy Recovery Fund uwsandyrecovery.org

B4FD Reflections: Fitting Family Dinner into Crazy Family Life

This month, Blog for Family Dinner founders will reflect back on some lessons learned from our B4FD guest bloggers over the past year. This week, I share my reflections.

"Really? You have family dinner every night?!" It's a question I get asked quite a bit. I sense people feel I am lying when I say yes. That's one reason I love  Jennifer Grant's Blame it On post for B4FD. Her post speaks to balancing the modern reality of crazy-busy family lives with the ideal of nightly family dinners. Let's just say, reality can be messy.

Blame it on my husband’s travel schedule. 

Blame it on my four children’s soccer, lacrosse, and softball games. 

Blame it on my daughter’s passion for viola or my son’s commitment to cello. 

Blame it on whatever you’d like, but my family isn’t able to sit down and eat dinner together every night of the week. But, most nights, we manage to make it happen. The kids are given heaping bowls of Cheerios or Life cereal before they run off to sports or music lessons, but when we all return home, sweaty, tired, sometimes jangly and out of sorts after too long a day, we sit down to dinner together. 

Read Jennifer Grant's full post, Blame it On... 

Jennifer writes elegantly about what could be the story of my day...juggling the activity and homework schedules of three kids, husband travelling or working late, my own work commitments, random school meetings, illnesses or other minor emergencies that can throw even a well-planned schedule into chaos. Yet, we still manage to find time for family dinner most nights, because it is a touchstone and a center of gravity for all of us. I find when there's been too many nights without family dinner, because of work or other evening commitments, everyone is cranky and out of sorts. It's important to schedule in that little bit of family time to keep us all grounded. 

So, while I laugh when someone mistakenly thinks our family dinner routine is "picture-perfect," I am also grateful that we have found a way to make family dinner consistent in our lives when our schedules are anything but.

As Jennifer counsels, when life is crazy-busy, the answer is not to give up family dinner all together. Instead find the happy medium that works for your family. Find that happy place and forgive yourself for not reaching some "made-up" ideal.  Just remember the "real goals" of family dinner, finding a daily connection among you and your loved ones. Relax and enjoy it, even in the chaos!

Read Jen Grant's Blame it On and her other great B4FD post, Ordinary Pleasures.