What is it about family dinner? Tips from research

"The moral seemed to be 'Eat dinner, read early.'" Dr. David Dickinson

Thanks to a throw-away comment in Working Moms Break, I found a NPR interview from 2008 (Family Dinner Reconstructed by Alix Spiegel) that was a goldmine of info on family dinner. The radio interview profiled 3 researchers (David Dickinson, Vanderbilt University, Barbara Fiese, Syracuse University and University of Illinois, and Dianne Neumark-Sztainer of University of Minnesota) who initially were studying different topics, but all came to the conclusion: family dinner matters.

The big research question with family dinner is a bit of a chicken and egg dilemma of "which came first?" To use the public health research terms, do highly "functional" families have their act together enough to make family dinner, and thus the "functional" nature of their family leads to better outcomes? Or is there a clear, added benefit of family dinner? If all families are equally "functional," do the ones that have family dinner together still have better outcomes? The research seems to indicate that the latter is true: family dinner helps all families do better.

"Even in families where relationships are difficult, family meals can predict better outcomes." Dr. Neumark-Sztainer.

The next question is why? What is it about family dinner? There seem to be a few themes that emerged from from their disparate research, which ranged from early childhood literacy development (Dickinson) to families with asthmatic children (Fiese) to adolescents at risk of eating disorders (Neumark-Sztainer).

Three Key Elements of Family Dinner
1) content and quality of dinner conversation, 
2) a set routine where meals have a beginning and an end, 
3) empathy and genuine concern about the participants and their daily activities. 

Dickinson found that the content of dinner table discussion was of key importance. The quality of conversations at mealtime was the strongest predictor of later development of children's language and literacy development. This trumped even the amount of book reading that was done with a child. Eating dinner together lead to having complex conversations, telling stories of the day, explaining unfamiliar words to young child and this, in turn, led to better literacy and language development. This is backed by research that the sheer number of words a child is exposed to at an early age varies greatly among and is positively related to reading and language development. Fiese found that family dinner led a decreased number of emergency room visits for children with asthma.

It begs the question whether all families can achieve this high level of involvement and positive interaction during dinner or other meal times. But I think that the best way to do family dinner is to just start. Try to set out a routine a few times a week.  You don't have to be prefect; it's not rocket science. Some days are going to be better than others. I think the real-life benefits become apparent pretty quickly and that fosters more communication and positive role-modeling for everyone. 

"There's one solid certainty about dinner. It is one of the few times in modern life when families can sit down together, speak face to face, build relationships, monitor behavior --all things that simply can't hurt." Alix Spiegel, paraphrasing Dr. Dickinson

Distracted parenting: more discussion on why gadget-free time is important

Profiled in a second article in the NYT, Sherry Turkle, a research at MIT, has been looking into the impact of ubiquitous technology on parenting, family and social interactions. Her findings: It's not just teenagers that are shutting out the world that's right in front of their faces to text, videochat, or Facebook; it's their parents too. The effects are measurable: many less words spoken from parent to child, far less positive interactions when devices like cell phones are available.

It's normal and useful for a busy parent to be able to check in at work or to have a non-parenting outlet that smartphones and laptops can provide during long days at home with the kids. But there has to be balance and we, as parents, have to be vigilant about our own "addictions" and bad habits. Dinner and meal times, at the very least, should be gadget-free zones. One of the key reasons, I think, that family dinner is so important is the dialogue and discussion among family members. Future research may be able to point to reasons why this is: it might be the actual number of word spoken during a meal, or the opportunity for exchange on critical matters, like grades or family values, or it may be the role-modeling and negotiations that occurs at the table. We are not really sure what it is that works about family dinner, but there is evidence that cell phones, TV, computers can shut that all down.

Sherry Turkle's new book "Alone Together" will be out next year.
The Risks of Parenting While Plugged In. Julie Scelfo, NYT, 06.0910

This topic has been covered before, of course:
iphones, blackberries? Why the parent in you should put them down, Alice Kaltman, A Child Grows in Brooklyn, 4.28.10
Bad Mommies Use Cell Phones. Rhoda Kaysen, Momlogic, 10.06.09

Family Dinner as Gadget-Free Zone

 Family dinner is a way to focus in an age of multi-tasking

The front page of the NYT: Hooked on Gadgets and Paying a Mental Price (in Focus and Family Life).  By Matt Richtel, 06.07.10
The problem: The blessing and the curse of modern technology as it threatens to invade and distract every aspect of life.
The challenge: Finding positive ways to re-claim time and prioritize the ways we spend it.
One change that can help bring focus, routine, and daresay, "quality time": family dinner.

I am a big fan of modern technology: blogger and Google be praised for making this platform so easily available that I can write this blog, I'm never without my smartphone (though I ditched my AT&T constrained IPhone for a PalmPre, sniff, sniff), I have several domain names and email addresses for different aspects of life, and our family livelihood depends on a technology company my husband co-founded 13 years ago (squeaking through the Internet bust of the late 1990s). I text my teen and my tween to keep tabs on them and my four-year old is sort of a wizard on the keyboard, deftly negotiating Barbie.com and NickJr.com. I am no Luddite.

But we draw the line at dinner. No TV, no computer, no phones or texting, no rushing through dinner to get to one of these devices. It is the time to shut off the distractions and focus on the people in front of us, even if the dinner table can be a cacophony of clanging plates, last-minute requests or grumbling about the night's menu. It is not exactly quiet and peaceful. But the lack of technology at the table makes a huge difference. Knowing that dinner is a dedicated chunk of time with no outside distractions allows the space to let conversations unfold. Even if that chunk of time is just 20-30 minutes, the focus can be on story-telling, relating, sympathizing, joking, or whatever. It's enough time to see what happens, and to just really be together, rather than wondering what's in the Inbox, on the phone or on Facebook.

So, make dinner as a gadget-free zone; it's a solution to the thoroughly modern dilemma of how to reconnect to those right in front of us.

Family dinner as public health intervention: we need to know more

Is family breakfast as good as family dinner? Warning: This is a research question.

Family dinner is important, almost everyone agrees. There are many "feel-good" stories about family dinner scattered through cyberspace as well as hard-boiled facts about how kids who eat with their families fare better on a variety of measures. I, and others, even argue that family dinner can be good for the parents and significant others involved, too. All this, true. But is that all there is to it?

Lately, I've been trying to think about family dinner more like a social scientist or public health researcher. (That's my background, after all.) If you drill down into the concept of family dinner, you can think of eating dinner together as an intervention. Studies show that the "intervention" of family dinner does indeed contribute to better outcomes on a wide variety of measures, including lower engagement in risky behaviors like underage drinking, better relationships with parents and siblings, and reduced risk of suicide (data here). This is an important message to promote, but why does family dinner work? How does it work? Can we decipher what aspects of family dinner are critical to its overall success? Can breakfast count too?

The National Children's Health Survey collects data on how often children eat together with their families as well as a variety of outcome measures. Several university research centers (CASA, University of Minnesota, Harvard, to name a few) focus on the topic of family nutrition, family dynamics, and family dinner as related to specific behaviors. There is some great research out there, but the specifics rarely make it to the general audiences of parents struggling to get meals to the table or to make mealtime enjoyable, not just a battle.

I personally believe that family dinner is an answer to many critical issues we experience personally and that we experience as a society. I know it is difficult for busy families to pull it off, but I feel the effort is well worth it. Family dinner doesn't really lend itself to policy change, but it is connected to positive health behavior. Basically, I'm arguing that this is a topic that is worthy of more in-depth research, study, and discussion on a broad level. We need to figure out why family dinner works, how it works, and how best to support families of all income levels in creating mealtime traditions that support growth and development for kids, parents, and families overall. 

Child Trends Data Bank on Family Meals
Family Meals Matter Facebook Fan Group

Fighting the tryanny of the kids's menu

Susan Dominus has a great article today in the NYT about a restaurateur's philosophy about family dinner, which is influenced not only by his profession but by his European background. Basically, he believes that there should be no "children's menu" of bland pasta and chicken fingers; the kids should eat from the regular menu, trying new things.  Perhaps a side plate of something more kid-friendly can be conjured up, but a special menu is not required. He walks the walks as he demonstrates his own kids' eclectic eating habits fostered at a daily family meal cooked, served and eaten with his wife, while he is at work.

It's not that surprising that a chef's children eat well, but more telling, I think, is that this philosphy begins at home, around the family dinner table.  In order to make the best of family dinner, the whole family should eat the same thing! Too many parents unwittingly turn themselves into short-order cooks when they make special orders for everyone. It's too hard and it makes meal time all about what each person wants rather than setting time for sharing the experience as a family.

In our house, we have the most trouble with our four-year old who is the most picky child of our three children and would definitely eat mac and cheese every night if we let her. As the classic mom, I am always trying to make sure that there is at least "something" on the table that she will eat. My husband, as classic dad, says let her eat what's on the table, eventually she will try it. Reality falls somewhere in between, but the stance of insisting that she at least "try" the family dinner has begun paying off. Recently she enjoyed some Chinese Sichuan fried fish and she's been known to eat bok choy, but only if we tell her its "baby bok choy." Even the "plain" food she might have at our table tends to be more adventuresome that most: rice with Nori (seaweed) or dumpling wrappers. Our basic strategy is to have at least one side dish we know everyone will eat available.

The bottom line is it doesn't matter what you are serving, but everyone should at least taste it and not be allowed to make a special order. Persistence and neutrality are key. Just keep offering the food, without arguments or fights, and eventually it will click and your kid will try it, maybe even like it. Always having the "side" of rice or pasta just gets too boring!

Looking Past the Children's Menu, Susan Dominus, NYT 5.24.10
Sara Moulton's Family Dinners, a restaurant chef talks about dinners with her family on the WNYC Leonard Lopate radio show, 5.10.10
Family Meals from examiner.com, 5.24.10

Eat Dinner May 2010

I started this blog (eatdinner.org) in November 2007 and the posts have waxed and waned a bit over the time, covering all manner of topics related to food and family dinner: family dynamics, local food, organic food, access to food, obesity, health, wellness, fitness, politics (of course!), and everything in between. I never wanted this to be strictly a food blog, outlining what me and my family had for dinner. There are many beautiful, inspiring food blogs out there, but I wanted to explore the idea of family dinner as a topic related to health (in a very broad sense), culture, society, education, and personal and family well-being. Through it all, I realize that the main message I want to convey is that families need to commit to having meals together and that many good things stem from this basic lifestyle commitment to food and family.

Many people "know" that family dinners are a good idea. But many people also chalk it up as "too hard" or demanding in today's busy lives. Worse is the notion that family dinner is a "middle-class" luxury. I want to rededicate this blog to expressly exploring the benefits of family dinner across all kinds of families and the barriers that are in the way of more people adopting family dinner as a way of life.

Stay tuned for more research, support, and advocacy targeted at issues surrounding family dinner.

Join the discussion! I'm now on Facebook and Twitter and you can email me at grace [at] eatdinner [dot] org.

9 by Design: the urban spin on mulitples and family dinner

A couple days after my last post, I read about the Novogratz family of "9 by Design" fame in the NYTimes. I had heard of the Bravo show, but was especially intrigued by the author's connection between multiple kids and an "oddly" sane mom. At some point during their discussion, the interviewer observes Novogratz's calm and comes to a surprising conclusion about herself:

"[this] maxed-out working mother suddenly realizes what she has been doing wrong: too few children!" Susan Dominus, NYT

On the surface, the urban, hipster real estate tycoon is a totally different mom from the Midwestern mom Janine Brogan I wrote about last week, but clearly there are similar coping strategies. Provide structure and freedom, relax about things you can't control, know that each kid is different and that the family as a unit is important too. Not sure how the Novogratz's do "family dinner; " there's a hint about take-out which is a distinctly NYC habit. Still, I thought it too good a connection to pass up.

Reality TV's Annoyingly Perfect, "Oddly" Sane Mom, Susan Dominus, NYT, 5.10.10
The Talent, Sixx Designs, by Susanna Salk on 1stdibs.com. A cool profile of the Novogratz's with great pictures.