Distracted parenting: more discussion on why gadget-free time is important

Profiled in a second article in the NYT, Sherry Turkle, a research at MIT, has been looking into the impact of ubiquitous technology on parenting, family and social interactions. Her findings: It's not just teenagers that are shutting out the world that's right in front of their faces to text, videochat, or Facebook; it's their parents too. The effects are measurable: many less words spoken from parent to child, far less positive interactions when devices like cell phones are available.

It's normal and useful for a busy parent to be able to check in at work or to have a non-parenting outlet that smartphones and laptops can provide during long days at home with the kids. But there has to be balance and we, as parents, have to be vigilant about our own "addictions" and bad habits. Dinner and meal times, at the very least, should be gadget-free zones. One of the key reasons, I think, that family dinner is so important is the dialogue and discussion among family members. Future research may be able to point to reasons why this is: it might be the actual number of word spoken during a meal, or the opportunity for exchange on critical matters, like grades or family values, or it may be the role-modeling and negotiations that occurs at the table. We are not really sure what it is that works about family dinner, but there is evidence that cell phones, TV, computers can shut that all down.

Sherry Turkle's new book "Alone Together" will be out next year.
The Risks of Parenting While Plugged In. Julie Scelfo, NYT, 06.0910

This topic has been covered before, of course:
iphones, blackberries? Why the parent in you should put them down, Alice Kaltman, A Child Grows in Brooklyn, 4.28.10
Bad Mommies Use Cell Phones. Rhoda Kaysen, Momlogic, 10.06.09

Family Dinner as Gadget-Free Zone

 Family dinner is a way to focus in an age of multi-tasking

The front page of the NYT: Hooked on Gadgets and Paying a Mental Price (in Focus and Family Life).  By Matt Richtel, 06.07.10
The problem: The blessing and the curse of modern technology as it threatens to invade and distract every aspect of life.
The challenge: Finding positive ways to re-claim time and prioritize the ways we spend it.
One change that can help bring focus, routine, and daresay, "quality time": family dinner.

I am a big fan of modern technology: blogger and Google be praised for making this platform so easily available that I can write this blog, I'm never without my smartphone (though I ditched my AT&T constrained IPhone for a PalmPre, sniff, sniff), I have several domain names and email addresses for different aspects of life, and our family livelihood depends on a technology company my husband co-founded 13 years ago (squeaking through the Internet bust of the late 1990s). I text my teen and my tween to keep tabs on them and my four-year old is sort of a wizard on the keyboard, deftly negotiating Barbie.com and NickJr.com. I am no Luddite.

But we draw the line at dinner. No TV, no computer, no phones or texting, no rushing through dinner to get to one of these devices. It is the time to shut off the distractions and focus on the people in front of us, even if the dinner table can be a cacophony of clanging plates, last-minute requests or grumbling about the night's menu. It is not exactly quiet and peaceful. But the lack of technology at the table makes a huge difference. Knowing that dinner is a dedicated chunk of time with no outside distractions allows the space to let conversations unfold. Even if that chunk of time is just 20-30 minutes, the focus can be on story-telling, relating, sympathizing, joking, or whatever. It's enough time to see what happens, and to just really be together, rather than wondering what's in the Inbox, on the phone or on Facebook.

So, make dinner as a gadget-free zone; it's a solution to the thoroughly modern dilemma of how to reconnect to those right in front of us.

9 by Design: the urban spin on mulitples and family dinner

A couple days after my last post, I read about the Novogratz family of "9 by Design" fame in the NYTimes. I had heard of the Bravo show, but was especially intrigued by the author's connection between multiple kids and an "oddly" sane mom. At some point during their discussion, the interviewer observes Novogratz's calm and comes to a surprising conclusion about herself:

"[this] maxed-out working mother suddenly realizes what she has been doing wrong: too few children!" Susan Dominus, NYT

On the surface, the urban, hipster real estate tycoon is a totally different mom from the Midwestern mom Janine Brogan I wrote about last week, but clearly there are similar coping strategies. Provide structure and freedom, relax about things you can't control, know that each kid is different and that the family as a unit is important too. Not sure how the Novogratz's do "family dinner; " there's a hint about take-out which is a distinctly NYC habit. Still, I thought it too good a connection to pass up.

Reality TV's Annoyingly Perfect, "Oddly" Sane Mom, Susan Dominus, NYT, 5.10.10
The Talent, Sixx Designs, by Susanna Salk on 1stdibs.com. A cool profile of the Novogratz's with great pictures.