Try, try again: Pushing Cabbage

Guess what I served my kids for dinner last night? Cabbage. Do you think they liked it? No, not particularly. Also on the menu was pork chops and potatoes, both of which they like, so they hardly went hungry. I knew that cabbage wasn't going to be a big hit, but I cooked it up anyway. I sauteed onions until they were sweet, threw in chopped savoy cabbage, and then added some chopped pear and apple cider vinegar. Pushing up the sweet quotient, I hoped, might win them over to the dish.

How did I handle it at the table? I served each kid a very small portion and asked, "just give it a try." All but the two-year old did. I never force my kids to try new food, not even one bite. I suggest; I encourage, but never force or threaten. If I really think they'll like it, I say so. If I think it might be too spicy or it's not all that good, I say that too. I might require that they keep the food on the plate, but it never has to touch their lips or even their fork.

Actual results on the cabbage, eating-wise? No comment about the cabbage from my 12 year old. My older daughter said she thought the pears in it were "actually pretty good, " and she picked those out. My 2-year-old loudly declared, "I DON"T WANT IT!" and pushed it off her plate. (She is in a very bossy-toddler phase and often not even willing to sit at the table. Since I am picking my battles with her, I decided to ignore this for the greater good.) My oldest, however, quietly explained to her that we can pretend to push the food around on the plate, but never say you don't like it to the host, "which in this case," he said,"is mommy. You might hurt her feelings." Priceless.

Nutritionists say that a child must be introduced to a new food 11 or more times before he or she will like it. It's hard for me to imagine cooking a dish 10 or more times without some verification that it will get eaten. Still, I always keep that number in mind and am not afraid to offer something 3 or times before giving up.

So bottom line: Keep trying!

Toddler at the Table: From Trial to Triumph

When I started this blog in November, my youngest daughter had just turned 2 years old. Most of the time, she went to bed about 7pm. Then, the rest of the family had a reasonably relaxed dinner without her. It was nice. My husband and I could chat up the older kids about their day, then we could talk ourselves and linger a bit after the meal. Sad to say, but we all enjoyed dinner more when the baby was in bed.

I knew this wasn't going to last. I didn't want it to last too long. I firmly believe that you need to set eating habits early in kids and that eating together as a family is a big part of it. Though I was relieved to have a few relaxing moments at dinner, I felt guilty for excluding her.

Well, the baby got wise in late December. Maybe she realized she was missing something. There was no school, schedules were relaxed, and everyone was staying up later anyway, so I let the routine slide. Whatever the reason, it became impossible to put her down before dinner and she's been a regular feature at the table for the last month or so.

Frankly, she's been an absolute terror. She would never actually eat. She would stand up in her high chair or climb all over my husband or I. She occasionally threw plates off the table or food to the dog. There were many spills of juice, water, or milk, since she would insist on having the same kind of cup as her older siblings, ages 9 and 12. Often either my husband or I would not actually eat as one of us tried to manage her. The older kids would roll their eyes or gape at what we were letting her get away with. All this typical toddler behavior was understandable on some level: she was overtired and not particularly hungry since she had "her dinner" already at 5:30 or 6 o'clock. The words "You will not be able to have dinner with us if you act like this" were spoken many times, they didn't seem to have any particular impact.

So, last night's dinner was something of a miracle. My dear toddler sat in her chair (mostly), ate her dinner (mostly), and had no spills (luck and the willingness to take a sippy-cup). She even got into the conversation, saying, "How was your day, Daddy?" and "Tank-u for making dinner mommy" in muffled toddler-ese. I'm not sure why this change came yesterday. There have been musical chairs over the last week as she has continually changed her mind about where she wanted to sit. So maybe she finally found the right spot. Clearly, she saw the value and status associated with sitting at the table with the rest of the family. She wants to be a "big girl." We'll see what tonight brings, but (fingers crossed) we are happy to have her at the table.

Ten Tips for Creating and Fostering the Family Meal

Over the next ten entries, I’ll set out some tips to help make family dinner a reality.

1. Start Young or Start now.

Making a commitment to having meals together can start when your kids are very young, definitely by preschool age. The good thing about starting young is that it becomes “normal” to eat together, even if mealtime takes 15 minutes. Also, you don't develop the habit of making separate “kid meals” and “adult meals.” It might seem easier to give them what they want, when they want it, but it’s a trap! Having one meal with your young kids also means that they will be more likely to try complicated "adult" foods and not get hooked on only the "white, brown, and yellow" foods that are kid standards. Here are some useful tips for toddlers that are "limited eaters" and some more tips that are applicable to older kids too.

If your kids are older , it may be more the “we’re-all-so-busy” thing that is making family dinners hard. So, look at the family schedule and set a goal of eating together once or twice a week and stick to it. Once you get into a routine, begin to add days as often you can. Family meals feel more like a regular, reliable phenomenon when you get together 4 or 5 times a week. Tips on finding time to schedule family time can be found here and here.